Meet Them Where They Are: Making PNMs Feel Seen

I caught myself by surprise this week while driving home, cruising at exactly 50 on a long stretch of road between farm fields. I knew exactly where I was, but had zero idea how I got there.

From the parking lot to that road was 15 minutes of autopilot. I made all the right turns and stayed between the lines, but it was strange to realize how easily I could operate without thinking.

Most days, autopilot is the glue that makes the harder stuff doable. If I don’t have to think about brushing my teeth or typing in a familiar password, all the better, right? But there’s value in turning autopilot off now and then. For something as basic as breathing, you get a billion-dollar meditation industry. For something like fraternity and sorority recruitment, you get the right amount of the right people for your organization.

The Danger of Recruitment on Autopilot – Because There is One…

You’ve seen it before, chapters that are fun, organized, and living in their perfect bubble. Think the first 30 minutes of the Barbie movie: everything looks great, but there’s little awareness of the deeper emotions or complexities at play.

They’re following the script, not noticing whether “getting their name out there” is actually connecting with the students who need fraternity and sorority the most.

The best chapters recruit like end-of-the-movie Barbie:

• Grounded

• Empathetic

• Not afraid of real questions or uncomfortable truths

• Capable of building genuine connections

• Intentional about introducing their best members to the best non-members

Because here’s the truth: no calendar graphic, t-shirt theme, or “autopilot” process is going to guarantee you’ll attract the highest-quality candidates.

Individual PNMs Deserve Individual Care

Every member who’s ever joined your chapter was once a stranger. Meeting PNMs where they are starts with understanding the stages of a PNM’s journey, and making intentional choices at each step.

1. The Total-Stranger PNM

91% of students on your campus want to learn more about your chapter. You have a 0% chance of recruiting them if you don’t know who they are, even if they know who you are.

2. The Name-on-a-List PNM

• The guy who sat next to you in class

• The girl with the cool sweater at the dining hall

• The friend-of-a-friend who came to your philanthropy event

• The student who signed up for recruitment or just followed your Instagram

3. The Casual-Friend PNM

You can text them and expect a reply. You’ve traded details about your lives. You’ve invited them to trivia night, a basketball game, or a run club meeting.

4. The Close-Friend PNM

You’d call them for an airport ride. You’ve built a relationship full of care and curiosity. You’ve shared life lessons both ways.

5. The Auto-Bid PNM

They meet your values-based criteria, have no red flags, and have strong member endorsements.

6. The Potential New Member

They’ve expressed their concerns, understood the responsibilities, and accepted the gift of lifelong membership.

Giving the Gift of Care, Intentionally

The opposite of autopilot recruitment is one where every interaction is intentional, made on a PNM-by-PNM basis because every person brings their own story.

1. Choose to Engage, Generously

• Start with handshakes and hellos

• Give your full attention (yes, ignore the buzz in your pocket)

• Notice details and offer genuine compliments… bonus if they’ve never heard it before

• Leave with a motive and means to reconnect

• Turn strangers into names, and names into friends

2. Choose to Care

• Be curious: Every person has a lifetime of experiences that brought them to this conversation

• Ask better questions: Start with how, why, tell me about, or help me understand

• Show you understand them: Remember their name, their story, and their goals

• Move casual friends into close friends

3. Choose to Be Vulnerable

• Share what’s real: The joys, the challenges, the hopes for your chapter’s future

• Listen for what’s real for them: Validate their hopes, fears, and experiences

• Move close friends into auto-bids and new members

The Unintended (but Awesome) Consequence

Making PNMs feel seen isn’t just a recruitment strategy, it’s how you strengthen the social roots of your organization.

The result? A chapter surrounded by incredible friends who desire (and deserve) the gift of membership.

When you recruit with autopilot off, you’ll know exactly where your chapter is, and exactly how you got there.

  Written by Jonah Mudse, Growth Consultant