Rush Bong! (Stop Beer Bonging New Members)

by Josh Orendi

If your campus and/or chapter operates on a system that relies entirely on formal RUSH, you may be guilty of a Beer Bonging mentality that has you Rush Bonging New Members. Raise the funnel high, tip your head back, and read on.

The mechanics of a good Beer Bong are essentially as follows:
1. Bad beer. Nobody puts the good stuff in the magic funnel.
2. Dirty beer bong. Let’s be honest, it’s had 372 different mouths on it and the only cleaning it’s had is when Bongo did a reverse bong blow shooting foam into the other room.
3. Crowd of loud friends. If you are beer bonging solo it’s time to get help.
4. Desperate recipient on their knees hoping for something good to result from this ridiculous act. That’s you.
5. Veteran beer bonger who is single handedly redefining the role of Social Services’ and leading the event by holding and filling the funnel.
6. Clogged tube. Tongue, thumb, whatever your favorite body part might be ” the beer bong requires a stoppage that disallows any passage until the point of release.
7. Dramatic pause. Is there no one on this planet that can master a single pour without 9 inches of foam?
8. Release! With eyes the size of watermelons the beer bong victim inhales the liquid.
9. Spillage! The novice bonger takes one swig then wears the remaining 12 ounces, while the master bonger leaves only the token drops of victory left on his chin.
10. Aftermath. Not long after the bonging came the reality check of what happens when a six pack is consumed in 8.3 seconds. It didn’t look pretty before you flushed away the memory.
11. Round #2. The persistent scholar recognizes the folly of his ways and goes back to the bong dragon once more knowing that things will surely be different this time.

Q: What does this have to do with recruitment?
A: Everything ” if you’re a Rush bonging chapter. Keep reading.

1. You are bad beer. Premium chapters never rely on the RUSH bong. Quality recruitment should be consumed and enjoyed slowly over time.
2. You are dirty. Look around.
3. Crowds dominate our recruitment efforts. Nearly everything we do that is recruitment focused is centered around a party or Big Event.
4. Your chapter is on its knees at the mercy of this year’s freshmen class, hopeful that something good will come out the other end of this 2 week masquerade.
5. The veteran Rush Chairman leads the effort, but the only thing he really does is organize the party, pick up chicken wings, and blame you for expecting him to do more than hold the funnel.
6. Bid restrictions created by the school or chapter are the blockage that enables your Rush bong. “We can only recruit during this time.” Cried the dirty bongers.
7. At the end of the Rush period is the dramatic climax of “who did we get” as we wait for the foam to settle.
8. With eyes wide open we are instantly filled with new members.
9. Spillage. But a couple drop out.
10. Aftermath. The chapter’s stomach gurgles. “Retention is a problem and we don’t know why. We can’t seem to get them to stick around or stay involved.”
11. Round #2. No problem, we’d better Rush back to the Recruitment bong next semester to fill up again before our delusional high wears off.

Oh, it’s a sad dependency many of us have on the Rush Bong. As Susan Powter would say, “Stop the insanity!” If you recognize it’s time to move on to something better, help is available. It’s called Dynamic Recruitment.

Dynamic Recruitment is a systematic process of year-round, values-based recruitment. The polar opposite approach is called Static Recruitment and looks a lot like the Rush Bong. That being said, formal recruitment is often a good thing. Dependency on a two week formal rush ” not so much.

1 comment

  • Darla Roberson

    This might be the most brilliant articulation of one of the major problems with rushing today; definitely struck a chord with my own personal rushing experiences.

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