by Taylor Deer
The key to any conversation, regardless of what the chosen topic is giving someone “The Present.” This is an extremely powerful gift. The Present gives people an extreme sense of trust and a compelling urge to make any good conversation great. The interesting thing is that everyone has The Present. Some of us are afraid to commit to giving it to someone. Some people become so preoccupied that the person we are talking to hasn’t already given us The Present that we refuse to give it up.
For one reason or another we sometimes forget the power of The Present when we are talking to someone, yet when its not given between two people, it is blatantly noticeable and sometimes irritating.
What is The Present? It’s just that. It’s not the past, its not the future, it’s the present.
Being noticeably present in a conversation shows the person we are talking to that we care. That they are worth every second of that conversation no matter how important or insignificant the topic may be. It shows people that we are genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Think of the person in your life that, every time you talk to them, they turn to face you, make eye contact, nod and smile when you are talking, asks on-target clarifying questions. They don’t ever check their watch, they don’t check their phones or are looking at Facebook when you are talking to them. This is all signaling to you that they are giving you the present and it feels great.
I have someone in my life that gives me the present every time we talk. They are by far my favorite person to talk to. I feel like I could talk to them all day about anything and everything, they make what I am saying to them feel welcomed and important. Because they give me the present every time we talk, I have an immense respect for them, when they are the ones speaking in our conversation I listen to every word they have to say. This is mostly due to the fact that they show me that they respect what I have to say. This mutual respect has made our relationship grow strong over the years and lead to some of the most powerful and meaningful conversations I could ever ask for.
Try this out. The next conversation you have with someone, give them The Present. Turn to face them, make frequent eye contact, ask on-point clarifying questions and don’t let anything distract you from that conversation… Facebook, cellphones, watches, shiny objects, nothing.
You’ll notice a significance difference in how people treat you, I promise. You’ll also notice a surprisingly increase amount of people that you talk to that end up being interested in what YOU’re interested in too (like your fraternity or sorority, for instance).