Breathe With Me

by Josh Orendi

breathe-joshMy wife and I are due on February 11th with our first child — a daughter that is showing early signs of becoming a soccer player.  This week, we took our first pregnancy preparation class.  Our instructor, Tamara, shared a piece of advice that is so relevant to leadership that I had to pass it along.  I’ll paraphrase.  She said:

“We all know the big day comes with pain.  We all know that there will be craziness around us.  Dads, this is when you need to step up.  You are her support team; her coach.  Breathing exercises are a way for the two of you to connect, calm, and focus.  You are a team.  When you notice that she is not breathing, DO NOT tell her to breathe.  She’s more likely to punch you than she is to hear your instructions.  Instead, hold her hand gently, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and begin to breathe yourself.  Say, ‘breathe with me.’ and she’ll respond.  You can do this together….”

Breathe with me. That’s such a simple but powerful reminder.  Less instruction.  More hand-in-hand, loving, demonstration of what needs to be done together (especially on the big day).

This lesson has me thinking of campus professionals that say, “I tell them the same thing … for some reason it’s like they hear it for the first time when you say it.”  It reminds me of chapter leaders that say, “how many times do I have to tell them!?!?”  It reminds me of my headquarters friends that tell stories of feeling like they are ‘spinning their wheels’ or ‘talking to a wall.’  Our alumni sometimes say, “is it really that hard … in my day … they just don’t get it.”  The lesson even reminds me of my parents.  I was the worst offender of being dismissive or defensive when they told me what I was doing wrong.

Recruitment seasons create high tension environments ripe with these moments.

Compassionate leaders/teachers/coaches/advisors/consultants/chapter and council officers often come to realize the power of being present in the moment, listening deeply, empathizing, and doing it together.  Speaking in the voice that your recipient can hear is an art form.  Committing to do it together as a team.  Leading by example.  This is quite a bit different than dropping by to “check in,” barking direction, sending a passive-aggressive text/email, or rolling your eyes (all are examples I am personally guilty of doing).

So, whether you are having a baby or just dealing with one, a few more patient moments of brotherly/sisterly love is more likely to yield the result that everyone is looking for.  Breathe with me.

Choose Inspiration

by Matt Mattson

inspirational-images-1So, what does 2012 hold for you?

Some will answer that question with a factual statement.  Some will answer that question with a big fat “No idea.”  Some will answer that question with a concession statement to the misery of their life.  Others though…

Others will share a dream.  Others will tap into our imagination. Others will dwell in possibility.  Others will resolve to do something important–something remarkable.

The New Year is like that.

So, what do you do? (asked of an individual or an organization).

Some will answer that question with a factual statement that informs.  Some will answer that question with a fumbling response that confuses.  Some will answer that question with a defeated scowl and a complaint about what keeps them from doing anything.  Others though…

Others will inspire. Others will tap into our deepest aspirations.  Others will intoxicate us with potential.  Others will disorient us with possibilities.

Will you be some people or the others?  Will you inform or inspire?

As you try to attract others to your cause, choose the magic of inspiration over information from the very first encounter.

This blog was inspired by this post from Seth Godin and a fun Email exchange this morning with my friend Alex Koehler.

Does Phired Up Help Culturally-Based Greeks?

by Matt Mattson

We often get asked, “Does Phired Up Productions do anything for culturally-based fraternities & sororities (like NPHC, NALFO, NMGC, NAPA, etc.)?”

The answer is, and always has been, a resounding YES.  And we do it well, but there is more work to be done.  I’m proud of the work we did a couple years ago with a task force of innovative professionals in the field who helped us build more educational resources specifically for culturally-based Greek Letter organizations.  For now, we wanted to make sure we shared a bit of our philosophy…

Margaret Mead once said, “Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.”  This oft-quoted phrase explains the inspiration for our company, for our philosophy, and for our work.  It also goes a long way toward explaining the genesis of most culturally-focused fraternal organizations – groups of driven individuals with a shared cultural background gathered together to change their world in a meaningful way.  Culturally-based fraternities and sororities were founded to make a meaningful impact on society — to change the world — and the best way to do that is to ensure that there is always a high quantity of high quality people to achieve that mission.  That’s what we do — we help cause-based membership organizations find the people they need to change their world.

The word “recruitment” is often frowned upon by some members of some culturally-based fraternal groups (and for good reason).  Often that word is related to the style of organizational growth that NIC and NPC groups utilize — and that style doesn’t match the values of some culturally-based fraternal groups.  However, that doesn’t change the need for culturally-based groups to attract people to their cause.  So, it is important to not necessarily connect the word “recruitment,” and all it’s Greek connotations, with attracting high quality people to an organization.  Let’s simplify it.

  • Culturally-based fraternities and sororities are membership organizations (made of people and purpose).
  • Membership organizations need a consistent amount of high quality people to be successful.
  • Culturally-based fraternities and sororities were founded to change the world in a meaningful way.
  • The more people (members, raving fans, supporters) an organization has to support its founding mission, the better it typically does at achieving that mission.
  • Phired Up teaches cause-based membership organizations the art and science of organizational growth.

We will launch more resources in the future to meet the unique needs and opportunities presented by culturally-based fraternal organizations.  We see that the future of the fraternal movement is tightly tied to the success of the organizations that are most relevant to today’s (and tomorrow’s) students. Thanks to all the organizations and universities that have brought Phired Up’s messages of Dynamic Growth and Social Excellence to their culturally-based fraternal leaders.

Say Yes To Adventures

by Branden Stewart

swing-dancers-1Before I left Grand Rapids to attend graduate school at Ball State back in July, I went out with my close friend (and Phired Up guest blogger) Keith for dinner downtown.  We stopped by one of our favorite restaurants and enjoyed a great dinner served by a fun waitress.  We reminisced about our years going to school at GVSU, reflected on our time together as active members of Delta Sigma Phi, and looked ahead to talk about the future.

As we began to walk back to the car, we heard some loud music coming from down the street.  Walking toward the music was definitely out of the way from where we had parked, but for some reason we were intrigued by what could possibly be going on downtown in the middle of the week.  As we turned the corner to see what was happening, we were stunned to see hundreds of people laughing, talking, and… swing dancing.  Keith and I quickly made friends and asked a few people about what we were seeing. We found out that it was actually the Grand Rapids Original Swing Society.

I’ll admit that I have no idea how to swing dance, yet I was absolutely amazed by what I was seeing.  Hundreds of people had gathered together around a shared purpose and were having an excellent time.  They were meeting new people.  They were dancing with new partners.  They were stepping out of their comfort zones.  They were being Socially Excellent.

One of Phired Up’s “Be the person” sayings is, “Be the person who says yes to everyday adventures.” So, of course, Keith and I looked for an opportunity to participate. At one fun point in the evening as we were looking on with awe as the music slowed down and the DJ began to play “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol.  Suddenly the crowd was lying on the ground, looking up at the sky, engrossed in the lyrics and surrounded by friends both new and old.  Almost everyone participated, Keith and I included.

When I moved out of Grand Rapidsswing-dancing-2 later that weekend, I couldn’t help but think of my last night in the city I loved.  I had spent countless nights at restaurants, events, comedy shows, concerts, and athletic events downtown that were planned and most times paid for.  But how often did I take a moment to smell the roses, listen to my surroundings, and take a different path?  Diving into this “everyday adventure” gave me a powerful memory, a fun story to tell, and deepened my friendship with Keith. This is the fun of Social Excellence.

The picture is a little blurry (I have a better phone now!), but hopefully you can tell what’s going on. This group of people barely knew each other, but had gathered around a purpose and had a blast doing it. They were demonstrating Social Excellence without even knowing it! Let’s all try to be intentional about where we go, who we meet, and how we interact with others.  Let’s intentionally take a different path.  Let’s learn from our swing dancing friends and be a bit more Socially Excellent. Say yes to an adventure today — you never know who you’ll meet or where it might lead.

Did You Hear the Gossip?

by Dr. Colleen Coffey-Melchiorre

gossipI have been thinking a lot lately about gossip, particularly among women in organizations.  I am not sure if it is because I am literally immersed with all women’s organizations all day everyday or because I have been a victim of gossip and am now a STAUNCH advocate against it- it is probably a little bit of both.

What I wonder is… Why do we do it?  What does gossip accomplish and how does it impact organizations?

I think that we gossip to waste time and have something to do, to feel better about ourselves and/or lift ourselves to a different standing, or to make sure other people see the world through our lens. The gossiper is often insecure, bored, mis-informed, and dramatic in nature.

If you let it, gossip has the power to transform organizations, change lives, alter view points, and take up a whole lot of time.
It has been stated that “to change a human is to change humanity.” When we gossip it negatively impacts a person — someone who was uniquely and lovingly created to impact the world. So the impact gossip makes is not only on an individual but on the rest of the world in which they belong.

You know what else has the power to transform organizations, change lives, and alter view points? Social Excellence.

I invite you to spend time checking out our message about the importance of curiosity, generosity, authenticity, and vulnerability. What would happen if women (and men) in organizations stopped gossiping and used that time to build healthy, meaningful relationships with one another?

Today, when you hear gossip, feel yourself gossiping, or find yourself on the receiving end of some juicy gossip, just say, “Sorry about this, but I’m actually trying to reduce gossip in my life. Can we talk about something else?”

The lifestyle of Social Excellence is built from momentary bold choices to live as the best version of you.  Be bold enough and courageous enough to stop gossip when you hear it today — it could change your organization, it could change a life, it could change humanity.

Be an Org Donor

by Josh Orendi

organ-donationThere’s a deep sense of altruism associated with giving blood, bone marrow, a kidney, and even putting that little red heart on our driver’s license.  It makes many of us feel good. A friend of mine told me “I like knowing that my legacy can live on through the life of another.”  Somehow we know we’re doing the right thing when we commit to give away something so special to save or enhance the life of another.  And, we hope that others would do the same for us.

Reminder:  They have!

YOU were already the recipient of an Org Donor.  A man or woman that is the reason you became a member of your ORGANization.  That person changed your life.  They gave you an opportunity that resulted in an enhanced life full of new friendships that will last a lifetime.  Part of their legacy lives on through the work that you do.  What an amazing gift.

Thinking about the ORGANization that has changed your life, you have an opportunity to Give the Gift of membership.  There are people in your community that NEED your organization (many don’t even know it yet).  There are people in your community who would make your organization better if they were members (many you don’t even know yet).  You have a chance to be an Org Donor.

That same friend was with me at a mobile blood center on a college campus.  In full disclosure, I like the idea of donating blood but I HATE needles.  He must have seen my discomfort and said, “come on, let’s go … sure it hurts a little, sure it’s a little inconvenient, but isn’t it worth it if a life we’re helping change might be a person that changes the world.”  (You can tell he’s been to a Phired Up program or two!)

My mind always drifts to recruitment.  Love your organization enough to give it away.  Change the World!  Be an Org Donor.

Here’s the website to learn more about becoming an organ donor:  http://www.organdonor.gov/
Here’s the website to learn more about becoming an organization donor:  http://www.phiredup.com

Change the Status Quo: A Legacy

[Editor's Note: Thanks to Bradley for contributing this piece.  In the fraternity world, Bradley's one of "the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes." Enjoy.]

by Bradley Charlesworth, Coordinator of New Media & Public Relations, Pi Kappa Phi Fraternity (Guest Blogger)

silver-apple-logoIn the 8th grade I designed my own video game on a teal iMac at Baldwin Magnet Junior High School in Montgomery, Ala. That day I fell in love with Apple’s unique ability to allow it’s users to innovate and create. That was the legacy of Apple’s cofounder, Steve Jobs. Since 1976, Steve’s passion and Apple’s mission has been to bring innovative hardware, software and Internet offerings to the world. In his effort to bring innovation to the masses, he changed the roles computers, music and phones play in our everyday life. Though he has inspired many dynamic, enjoyable and downright magical products, I think his legacy will be his ability to innovate and change the status quo.

In fact, in Simon Sinek’s popular Ted Talk, he makes the argument that the reason Apple constantly outperforms its competitors is because of it’s why: to change the status quo. Though few of us have worked with Steve Jobs or even met him, each of us have undoubtedly written a paper on a MacBook, FaceTimed with a distant family member on an iPhone, watched a Pixar film or been moved by Job’s Stanford commencement speech. While we may not be personally affected by his untimely death, I think as members of organizations that’s very purpose is challenged by non-believers each and everyday, we can all learn from his legacy to change the status quo.

When you walk through your daily life as a fraternity man or woman, attempt to act out Jobs’ why and change the status quo. Change the way people see fraternities and our purpose by intentionally connecting with others, by engaging in meaningful conversation, by acting in a respectable manner and by living everyday with integrity as the best version of yourself.

Just as Steve Jobs made products that were beautifully designed, powerful to use and user friendly; maybe we can make fraternities beautifully designed, powerful to use and people friendly.

What’s Your Story?

by Matt Mattson

whats-your-storyThem: “So, what’s this organization you’re a part of all about?”

You: “When I was young, I always wanted to be a part of something important, didn’t you?  I wanted to matter.  I wanted to do something truly remarkable.  You know what I mean?  I found that in this organization. Let me give you an example.  A group of us recently did this amazing project that took sweat, hard work, and long hours, and the whole time I was smiling for two reasons — the other members I was working with were amazing, driven, passionate people; and the work we were doing was changing lives — we were making a difference.  I looked in the eyes of the people we were helping and the other members of my organization and I saw a reflection of the best of me.  This group is helping me become a better person.  We are working together to make a real change in the world, and along the way we’re becoming better versions of ourselves. You’re like me… you value the same things. You want to matter. Do you have something like this in your life? Would you like to join us next time we’re doing a project like that?”

When you have the rare opportunity to explain your organization to someone, do you know how to make the most of it?

Unfortunately many people waste those opportunities by talking about what their organization does.

Tell a story. Tell a personal, emotional, directional, and invitational story.  Do not convey facts, figures, or data.  Inspire.  Connect on a Heart-to-Heart level.

Attempt to share a story that includes all four of these elements.

Personal: Your organization is an important part of your life. So tell a personal story. Dr. Brene Brown (who we’ve mentioned before) suggests that life is really all about interpersonal connection. People want to connect with people on a deep instinctual level.  Get to the heart of what your listener really wants to hear — a personal story, a testimonial about how your organization has changed your life for the better.  Make your story personal.

Emotional: Passion, excitment, sorrow, struggle, joy, fulfillment, rage, justice, fanaticism, pride… Whatever emotion your organization evokes in you, share that with your listener.  When people are interested in associating with an organization, it is often for reasons rooted in the most primal parts of our brain — not logic, but emotion.  Start with Why. Share an story filled with emotion.

Directional: Where is your organization going? What is it trying to accomplish? Your story must communicate direction.  Not just what you have done.  Not just what you’re doing.  But where you’re going, what you’re going to do, and why you’re excited to be headed in that direction.  Vision. Share a story that communicates direction.

Invitational: Your personal story should include some space for them to imagine themselves. Share a story that invites an opportunity to create their own personal story.

We’ve discussed this topic before.  See this post from 2009, and this post from 2008.

What’s really the best way to prevent hazing?

by Matt Mattson

This week is National Hazing Prevention Week.  That got me thinking.  What’s really the best way to prevent hazing?  Here are my best ideas.

1. Recruit better, kinder, more thoughtful, more compassionate, higher performing people who have respect for the basic dignity of others.

2. …that’s all I got.

hpo_weekWe’ve written about hazing related topics before — of course with our own organizational growth twist on the topic.  Check out some of our past blogs related to hazing.

“What HURTS Recruitment Results?”

“Your Pledge Program Might Be Killing Recruitment”

“Becoming a Man/Woman Through Social Excellence”

“National Hazing Prevention Week 2009″

Social Lies

by Josh Orendi

“When we socialize we see the world through social eyes that are sometimes clouded by social lies.”

social-liesIt sucks admitting this, but I have sometimes felt (and still sometimes feel) this way…

Like an optical illusion the lens I see the world through can be clouded or distorted by the lies I have been told and the ones that I tell myself.  Feelings of anxiety, fear, and insecurity begin to swell in new social settings — the first day in class, calling strangers on the phone, working an information table.  The bubbling intensifies when the voice inside my head reinforces the fear with messages of worst case scenarios and thoughts of rejection.  Doubt and excuses not only creep in, they take over.  Like a caterpillar I form a cocoon of isolation around me with my words and actions — I sit alone, barely smile, drop my eyes and shoulders, pull out my cell phone, try to look busy, lose myself in the lonely silence despite the noise of the room.  Those thoughts in my mind manifest into an extremely real, frightening, and often painful reality.  Gut wrenching emotional paralysis, drowning in the poison that is filling that moment, my only rational thoughts focus on one idea: escape, retreat, run, avoidance.  There is no beautiful butterfly about to emerge.  I am just trying to survive each painful second while maintaining a half smile so nobody asks me if I’m okay.  I recognize that I am socially disabled, but I can’t do anything about it.  This is just who I am.  I deal with it.

That’s my best shot at vulnerably sharing how I felt (and still sometimes feel) in social situations.  Gradually, I discovered inspiration, techniques, and new habits that have helped me realize a new social identity.  I no longer have to “deal with it.”  Perhaps my most profound discovery has been this:

My social eyes are a social lens looking outward at the world.  When I allow myself to focus my social eyes externally on others, I feel liberated.  It’s fun to be curious and generous.  It’s fulfilling to help others.  When the phone call is about the other guy, the new room is full of people I can make smile, and the information table is my excuse to share an opportunity that might change someone’s life — when it becomes about them and not me — the social lies go away.  I’m not the most important person in the room anymore.  It’s not about me!  I honestly feel empowered to know that I’m a catalyst to something great when I invest in conversation with others.  When I socialize, it’s about the other person.  For me, that was the lesson that freed me from my social cocoon (so to speak).

For the linear thinkers who read this, consider this:  It’s mathematically impossible to feel the inner emotion of fear at the same time that I am being 100% generous — focused entirely on others.

Now, when I get that old familiar rumbling of fear in my belly, it’s a healthy reminder that I’m focused on the wrong person.  “My social eyes, no longer listen to social lies, so I’ve come to love the opportunity to socialize.”